Damn

Maybe this decision was a mistake.

You probably don't care what I have to say.

But it's been heavy on my mind for months now.

Guess I'm trying to clear some mental space.

(Click to Read)



I hope that the decision I made was the right one, I hope that I don't regret what I did.  A lot of things have been going through my mind and I know it was a shitty time to do it but I couldn't bring myself to toy with your feelings any longer.  To hear your feelings for me and feel muddled about the ones I have for you.  I do care, don't get me wrong, I do.  I would like you to be forever mine -- just not in the way that I once thought.  I hate how things change and I know it was my fault that they did.
If only you just said something beforehand, I could've wronged my right.  How was I supposed to know that it was bothering you if you didn't tell me?  How was I supposed to fix what I didn't know was broken.
You say don't compare me to her, but how can I not -- it's the same question I had to ask before.
"How do you fix what you don't know is broken."
Hell if I know that's for damn sure, now all I have are these poems of mixed emotions and heartache (ring any bells?).  I hate what happened and wish I could undo that last 2 weeks.

Well, I might as well share one of the many poems, it doesn't have a name, as names come last.  So I'll just name it on the fly:

End
(October 1st, Eleven Fifteen PM)
Hidden on the inside, faking on the out.
I said what I had to say, still feel the pout.
Yet another notch on my belt?
God I hope not.
I feel as though; if there is something I must,
it's not throw us,
Under the bus.

Times a many have I seen this true,
Too many times I have see this through.

Starting it all with but a kiss,
Going through what failed,
Tally up the list.

Tears never start it, but always seem to end it,
No dream of hope or change to defend it,
Crossing my fingers,wondering not the outcome,
Not knowing if I'll like it when the end comes.