Sometimes I think life just like to throw you around sometimes. Just give you a loop to go through and force you to make the best out of it. I sit here, and wonder upon the phrase -- "When life closes a door, it opens another." Just thinking about that phrase makes me wanna know one thing, how quickly does the "door" open. How quickly can life bitch-slap you and say "want compensation". It's like a freeway, with billboards on the side, which one should you believe? Should I believe in the lap-band, because it does have a pretty white girl on it, but this mexican is asking if I'm dealing with bankrupcy and he really wants to help me.
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To what point will things stop, it's so easy to get used to things and then force yourself that what happened was either a lie, or just yourself getting too comfortable. But then again, if you can't get comfortable, how do you relax? If you can't say this is always gonna be here for me, how can you take off yours shoes and kick up your feet? At what point can one trust another and know that their person will give them their one hundred and ten percent? Someone to not only care for, but to help, and cherish. Granted, I was never an angel, and I realize this and want to improve -- I know how to. But does my knowledge apply, is it even necessary?
When do things become easy? Will I have to wait until I retire to enjoy the benefits of life (there is a pun in there by the way). When can I just look in the mirror and have someone ELSE looking at me, smiling, and saying "What's cookin', good lookin'" and really mean it, and I mean -- MEAN IT. I don't need fake emotions or crocodile tears, because if that is something that I desired then I could easily acheive that. Acting isn't a hard thing to do, I know someone who did it for a very long time, the hard part is going somewhere with it ( I mean television, because I'm sure people can get places by faking easily)
I would just like to know when can I enjoy what I'm feeling, without strings attached, because they don't have to be anymore. I don't need to be an angel to get treated like I did a good job. I can just be me, with a little bit of passion, kind-words, and heart (forget parallelism, it's overrated). I think that I've found my answers to some of these, but to tell you would be something that I couldn't do, especially not so indirectly. Ain't it funny how things work out?
At the end of the day, I realize that I have music, and by that I mean my music. It's something I have always been able to turn to when I'm feeling lonely, angry, sad, or just down-right wrong. It's picked me up when no one else could, it's cradled my heart and answered my questions (with the help of a far-away friend). Music taught me that I Could Leave, But It's Going To Cost Me. It told me about Anna's Song, keep on singin' all night long. It's taught me that it's Time To Get it Together, gonna love every day, every night 'till I get it alright baby.
Without music, video games, and the support of my family & friends -- this could've been one of my worst times. But I've managed to turn it around, quite quickly, and I hope this time I'll be able to put my feet up and glide into retirement.
Thinking of you,
Brett Bailey
2 comments:
sometimes you have to "fake it until you make it"... just try to realize the good times as they are happening and try not to dwell on the crap. learning from mistakes & remembering that what goes around...... helps too!
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