Pain

teary eyes, muffled words.
he doesn't need to tell me, that he's hurt.
Constant pain, sudden death.
I don't know how many more, he can take to his chest.
Tears at me, Tears from me,
Both missing him dear-ly...

I wrote this on the sixteenth of September, 2009, at around 12:50. It only starts to talk about the sudden death of a close family friend. I have to say something about this because it's on my mind, and I can't get it out (I doubt this will help, but at least I could say that I tried).
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Nelson was an amazing friend to my father, and a good friend to me too, they kept each other happy because they had a medium -- pain. They were constantly in it (because they both shared severe back problems). (As I know it) They met in a therapy, a long time ago. I can't remember a time that I didn't know him, and now that I'm out of school, I can see why he was my dad's best friend. There's not much my father can do with his injury, but what he could do, he did with Nelson.

I say this now, with tears in my eyes. My father, whom I love dearly, is now without a best friend. I knew as soon as I heard the news that he was gonna be shaken to the core. We went to the fair last Thursday together. We talked, ate, laughed, walked around, complained, everything to do at the fair. My dad was gonna meet him the day of his death, he talked to him only hours before -- he seemed fine. My dad was going to go see "9" with him on Friday. It hurts to see him like this. To see him in so much MORE pain. I know that his death hurt me, but I can't imagine for the life of me what it's done to him. I love my father, and to see him so disrupted hurts me.

The night I heard the news, I thought two things:
At least he won't feel any pain.
Why?

The first one was because I knew he was in continuous pain, like that of my father. The second one was because, well how could He do that to my father? How could God take away someone so close and needed so much away from my dad. It hurts to see him so hurt. To know that he's now in even MORE pain than before. And not only that, but to know he has no one to share his pain. Because his pain buddy is gone, his pain buddy has no more pain...

I don't know how to help, no one has ever died so close to me before. How in the world can I give my dad another best friend? How can I make him feel better?

With Love &and Concern,
Bud